You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
