I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
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So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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