chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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