I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
