you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
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Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
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We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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