Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
