If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
