her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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