I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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