I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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