I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
