You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
