Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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