i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
