During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
