I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
