Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I think a kid would responsible me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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