East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
