So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
