so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
