I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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