And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
