Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
