turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
