We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
