My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Are my feet made of real feet?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
