apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
