God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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