i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
