I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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