Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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