I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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