My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
