The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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