Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
