It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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