I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
