Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
