A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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