I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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