You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
