and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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