when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
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I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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