We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
