I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize