I wish you could order shots online.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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