he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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