So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
