I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize