why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
