My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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