Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
