I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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