The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
