I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
