Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
