I must be too annoying 4 u.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
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found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
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The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Is Oprah even human
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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