Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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