i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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