My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
