I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
