My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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