FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
