I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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