today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
