So drunk its hurt
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
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I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
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but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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