she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
