Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
