He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
