if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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