Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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