Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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