I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
