Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
