omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Pooping to opera.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
