my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize